Settling the estate Part 6: Power Struggles

I was really starting to get fed up with the way I was being spoken to in these emails. I was done communicating with my brother’s wife. None of what was being said and how it was being said, sounded anything like the way my brother speaks. If it was him talking to me like that, things would be different, but I knew it wasn’t him. I really wanted to be on my best behavior and try to remain professional but in my mind I was not talking to my brother and so I started to address the emails as if I wasn’t talking to my brother. I also wanted her to know, she was not going to boss me around. Me and my brother are different people. I don’t allow that kind of shit. No one is going to push me around and think it’s ok and so the next day on August 28th, 2017 I wrote back to her. Being that in sarcastic by nature I knew I

Ok 👌🏻. I was confused. So I should send it to the email that you  created right after signing the stipulation of settlement?  I was confused which one you were using. All your emails prior to that date were from your regular account (the one you used for the last 5 years or more) . I sent an email there the other day and you promptly responded so I was confused. Thanks for clearing that up for me. ✔️✔️

• no one “refused” to go to the bank. If you really think it’s necessary to have the courts intervene,  7 days after I got the appropriate documentation to allow me to act as executor, that’s your call. Just know it’s going to cost a lot of money for you and I, and further delay the estate from being settled. If you are really looking to work in the “best interest” of the estate, that would not be the way to do it. I wanted to consult  with my attorney first and today was the only day he had available.  I have a right to do so both as an executor and as a beneficiary. I am going to the bank tomorrow. 

• on that note, I have to ask, why are you holding the checks hostage? Why can’t I see them or hold them? Why can’t you send me at the very least, send me a copy? I have a right to see them as CO-executor. Since you refuse to communicate with me in any other way besides email, and refuse to do things together as a team, as  CO-executors should, it’s going to hold everything up. It’s my fiduciary responsibility to make sure things are being done correctly and in line of what the courts require. You go and do things without telling me until AFTER, then you leave me with no choice but to investigate, consult with my attorney and make sure things are being done properly and legally. So if you want to know the honest truth, your evasiveness, refusal to answer  certain questions and address certain topics, along with your vague emails, and demanding tone etc, are what is holding up the estate.  So is typing these lengthy, bullet formatted, emails back and forth. The same thing can be accomplished in 4 minutes over the phone.  There is no law that says things have to be done in YOUR immediate timeframe. “Timely” doesn’t mean instantly or when you say so. It means things are to be done in a reasonable amount of time. Having 99% of the estate settled in 7 days isn’t reasonable. I am acting in accordance as an executor and doing ALL of the things I am supposed to be doing. If you are so worried about having things done in a “timely” manner,  since I am completing the process of opening the estate account, I thought it would make more sense for me to deposit the checks into the account when I go, instead of waiting for your “lunch break” to do everything. I am home every day, and can go to the bank at any time.  I was just trying to be proactive and work efficiently, in a timely manner. I thought it would help speed up the process so we can “immediately” pay the estate debts off, like you planned. I have every right to see everything pertaining to the estate as CO-executor.  

• While we’re at it, it’s “co” executor. That means we have the same level of decision making power and responsibility. Please ask your attorney what the prefix “co”, means, in this context. If you need help I can assist you in finding the definition.

• as per my attorney’s advice, the house does NOT need to be listed immediately and especially not before my mother’s personal affects are taken out. Giving strangers access to valuables in the house is NOT in the best interest of the estate. Whoever told you that has misinformed you. The house that I live in was also part of an estate. The listing photos online showed it completely empty. If you disagree, call your attorney & tell him to call mine. 

• the [cancer insurance] denial letters you have are from November of last year when I was trying to submit the claims online and kept getting an error message. It has the dates right on the letters from when the claims were denied. Obviously I know how to submit the claim, as i am sure you can see in the monthly bank statements you’ve been receiving of my mom’s since December of last year, Aflac paid the approx.  $20,000 claim for when my mom was hospitalized 8/1/16 to 8/28/16 . I don’t need your assistance, but thank for offering. I didn’t submit or try to submit any recent claims so if you’re receiving letters recently,  maybe you were trying to submit claims. 

• the PO box address is [redacted] in and you’re more than welcome to come to my house and pick up the key if you want it. You can also change the addresses on whatever is coming to your home and send the rest of the mail there so we both have access. Thanks. 

• please give me the name of the real estate agent that you would like to use so I can contact them as well, with any questions I have.   Your attorney doesn’t do real estate, as he told my attorney today, so that’s not much of a compromise. It kind of has to be my attorney by default….. or we can waste money on yet ANOTHER attorney.  We can discuss who is going to list the house over the phone. What happened to your buyer? 

• I already have a “comp”. I said appraisal because that was the term my attorney used on the phone with me. They are not “free”,  Nothing in this world is free. You are taking someone’s time up. Usually the broker expects you to list with them. Still there is no need to get four.  that’s a little excessive and a waste of time. The prices aren’t going to vary too much between agencies because they’re all using the same information to get their prices. I took the real estate courses and was licensed.1 I know how it works. If you want to waste time getting that many, be my guest.  Yours is a little higher than mine, but [my brother] can call me and we can discuss listing prices. 

also, I need the name of the other life insurance company, instead of a vague mention of its existence. I cannot do anything with that. Back on Nov. 20th you told me that your “underwriters” ran my mom’s life insurance policies and they all lapsed except one, which is the one we used to pay the funeral. As you can imagine, I am confused at this news that there is an additional policy. Also, I’m pretty sure it said [insurance company name] on the funeral bill and not whatever  name you said. Maybe I am wrong. I’ll have to investigate that as well. 

• As I said before, with all of the money I will be reimbursed with, I gave my attorney the list, receipts, cancelled checks and/or supporting bank statements.  Sorry, but I am not sharing anything with my personal banking information on it, with you because I don’t know who I am talking to through this email, since this is not the address I have known “you” to use for the last five or more years. You can have your attorney contact my attorney for information, regarding that. Just FYI, your list, you need to provide copies of receipts and cancelled checks (front and back), not just ones you wrote out and the billing statement, in order for you to be reimbursed. Just thought I’d let you know. 

• as for the [car loan holder] check….so when you changed the address on the [car] account back before April, you changed it to an address that didn’t exist, and now the check is lost? That’s not good. 

Thank you, 

[me]

Ps. Human to human, if you go to my mom’s house, please do not leave a mess again. I would not walk In your house and do that. You cut the lock off her shed, which was completely unnecessary and somehow pulled one of the window boxes off. I assume  you were using it to give yourself some leverage while you cut the lock. Those are pretty heavy duty locks. Instead of going through all that trouble, you could’ve called me and asked me where the key was and I would’ve told you. Also, you threw papers on the floor and left a mess all over the dining room table and in my old bedroom, plus you left all sorts of lights on that don’t need to be on. Let’s keep the bills down. That’s in the best interest of the estate. Please treat my mother’s house with some respect. Some of us are also grieving as we go through this process. Just because she isn’t here anymore it doesn’t mean we stop acting like human beings. 

Sent from my iPhone

I was lucky to have my mom’s neighbors/my friends looking out for me. They were all well aware of the situation between my mom and I, and my brother and his wife. My mom had told them all the story. She told everyone the story. Everyone knew how my mom felt about my brother’s wife. It was no secret. It was amazing because for three years prior to my mom’s death, my brother and his wife were NEVER at her house. In fact, my brother didn’t even have a key to my mom’s house for almost an entire year before my mom died. She had broken the key off in the lock the winter prior to us finding out she had cancer, and she had to get a new lock and key. Since my brother never came by, she never gave him a copy. It wasn’t until after her diagnosis that she finally gave him a copy.

My mom’s neighbors alerted me one day that my brother was over the house and he and his wife were removing things from my moms house. I had been there in the days prior removing things as well and trying to get the house cleaned up so we can list it. There was no rule that my brother got first dibs on the items in the house. There were things in there I wanted like a mirror that hung by our front door that my mom had for my whole life. I also wanted one of her kitchen chairs. My mom had the same chairs from when I was a kid and my dad never sat in the den with us. He always watched TV in the kitchen sitting on those chairs. It was his favorite spot and so I wanted to keep one to remember him by. Anyways when I went back to the house I noticed that my brother and his wife took some of the cleaning supplies and so I left them a note asking that they please don’t take anymore cleaning supplies, so I could clean and empty the house. Satan, being the cheap millionaire she is, was taking cleaning supplies and even took my mom’s toilet paper!

I came back to the house the next day and this is what I saw…..

A note I left for my brother and his wife because I had noticed they took thing that I needed in order for me to clean as we agreed to. The note read, “please do not remove anymore packing items, cleaning supplies, cleaning implements, or anything else one may need for the cleaning and/or packing of the house” and yes I was being sarcastic by making bullet points as Satan did in all of her emails.

When I wrote the note, I grabbed a small stack of printer paper and left the note on top, on my mom’s kitchen table, when I came the next day someone had swiped the note off the table and all the paper with it, and just left it there. No class at all.

My note can be seen along with the other papers strewn about the floor. It was left on the table and appears that someone swiped it off the table in a fit of rage and left it on the floor.

Satan helped herself to my mom’s stuff. I could see someone went through her room. They dumped out her hospital bag in her bed and left the clothes all over her bed. Satan took some of my mom’s planters as well. Because the house was empty for 8 or so months the some of her plants died. It looks like they took the plant out of the pot and left all the dead plant debris on my mom’s dining room table, like the pigs they are.

Dead plant material left on my mom’s dining room table.
My mom’s dirty pajamas from the hospital that they dumped out on her bed as they went through her hospital bags.

This here is a perfect example of the lengths Satan will go through to keep me and my brother from speaking. As I said in my email, they brought bolt cutters with them and cut the master lock off her shed! There was absolutely no need to do that. If they couldn’t find the key a simple phone call to me would’ve solved the problem. Instead they cut through a lock and in the process, they broke the window box off the shed.

A photo of the lock that my brother and his wife cut off my mom’s shed in order to gain access to it.

A photo of the window box that my brother broke while trying to cut the lock of my mom’s shed.

Satan is a piece of shit, but my brother is an ever bigger piece of shit for allowing her to disrespect my mother’s house and me like that. That’s a narcissist for you though. They don’t give a shit. They don’t care that someone is grieving. They don’t care if you’re the one who has to clean it up. They don’t care that someone is dead. My note asking them to leave cleaning products pissed her off and so she decided to shit all over me.

The next day, Aug. 29, 2017 she sent me multiple emails. The first one was this at 7:56am in the morning: (pay close attention to the parts I underlined)

Please see images of checks attached. I will deposit once account is open.  I met with 2 real estate agents for free. Here is one [real estate agent] (xxx) xxx-xxxx. He would like to show house this week. You can go to every showing to let him in and to make sure nothing is touched. Please call him today. 

P.S.  Your phone seems “to” have “been” infected “with” some sort of malware “that” inserts “quotes” around words “at” odd intervals.

[“brother”]

Then came this at 8:15am:

[me], 

Please find attached either cancelled checks or online statements if they were ACH.  Please review once again. 

Please provide a list without proof of all bills you have paid for my review.  I will only need proof if anything looks out of ordinary. 

[“brother”]

I replied back at 11:03 am with:

Well the house is in no shape to show it after the mess you left. Please call and cancel. I’ll have my attorney call you. You don’t just go and make appointments without informing me. 

And my “brother” who has that demanding job, he replied back exactly 7 minutes later at 11:10am with this..

I haven’t made any appointments and I don’t know what mess you’re talking about. I’m not going to argue back and forth about it either. 

I only asked that you call him so that we can make arrangements so that he CAN show the house. Again, no appointments or showings have been set. We haven’t even signed any contracts to list the house with him yet, as you probably remember from your real estate licensing courses.

You can have your attorney contact my attorney, not me directly. And again, call [real estate agent] so that we can take the next steps to have the house listed for sale to begin the process. 

pay close attention to the “I’m not going to argue back and forth about it either”.

The top portion of this photo was taken from a book about narcissistic behavior. As you can see in the 2 examples below it, Satan was TEXTBOOK in her behavior.

The funny thing is, they actually did go and sign a contract with that agent without telling me.

I responded back to her at 11:13am

No idea what AHC is but ok. Are you the attorney for the estate? I don’t need to give you anything as per my attorney. My lawyer will determine if anything looks “out of the ordinary.” 

You see the thing with Narcissists like Satan is they try to talk and sound like they’re so important. She has to use all her insurance sales person terminology. She acts like she’s so highly educated. Anyone can become an insurance sales agent like her. A high school diploma or equivalent is all that’s required.

At 11:36am while “my brother” was still at that demanding job of his, he replied…

ACH – Automated Check Clearing house. It’s an electronic check. 

And no, I’m not an attorney for the Estate, but you need my signature on the check. I’m not going to sign a reimbursement check without a breakdown of what is being reimbursed. 

And here we go. Here is the first of the threats to not sign checks. Again, this is so characteristic of her. At that point, I was not even seeking reimbursement for any money I laid out, yet she demanded I handed her lists for it.

In the meanwhile, I went down to the bank and completed opening the account. I tried to text my brother from the bank, but I could see because my messages were coming back green that he had me blocked, once again. On an iPhone, messages are automatically sent through apple’s messaging system, iMessage, if the system detects it’s going to another iPhone, and when messages are blue that means they went through iMessage. When a message comes back green, it means either the recipient doesn’t have an iPhone, turned iMessage off (and their messages are going through their service providers SMS), or…..has you blocked! So if people want to know if someone has blocked them on their iPhone, this is one way you find out! I knew my brother blocked me because he told me he was going to months prior.

Texts I sent to my brother from the bank, which prove he had me blocked on his phone.

I was completely fed up at this point in time. This demon seed again, was not going to tell me how I was going to settle MY MOTHER’S estate. I knew I needed to come up with a plan in order to get Satan out of the picture…:.

To be continued

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