Time was passing me by and Christmas was right around the corner. I was so busy trying to play catch up and figure out what my brother and his wife were up to that I felt like it was not completely hitting me that my mom was gone. It felt like she was just away for a little bit and would be back shortly. I had to go back to her house
I was really in no mood to celebrate Christmas. Usually I am decking the halls like Clark Griswold but this year I felt as if I just didn’t have it in me to go all out. I remember the first Christmas without my dad. I was still living at home with my mom at the time. My mom was really down that year and she didn’t want to put up a tree or anything. I pushed her that year and made her do it. I remember feeling like this, and recently someone who also lost their father at a young age; said the same thing to me. I hated seeing my mom so down and sad, that all I wanted to do was just fix her. At times if she started getting down or talking about how sad she was about my dad I’d just shut her down. Not because I didn’t want her to talk about him, but because I couldn’t take seeing her so sad. This year though I understood. My grief over my dad was much different than the grief I have over my mom. A large factor in that is the relationships I had with them. My dad and I didn’t have the best relationship throughout my life. I didn’t like the way he treated me and my brother, and especially didn’t care for how he treated my mom. He was a hard person to get along with at times. It wasn’t until the last few years of his life that we started to get along better and have a better understanding of one another. On the other hand, my mom and I were best friends and so her death has way more of an impact on me.
Anyhow, I knew I couldn’t just completely ignore the fact that Christmas was coming because I did have my three year old son, who was about to turn four. It was the first year he was really excited and aware of what was going on. I could hear my mom in my head telling me in my head to get it together for my son. Somehow I was able to push my grief aside and make his Christmas the most special Christmas ever. Even though he didn’t exactly understand what was going on, he was definitely able to sense that something in our household was different and he knew my mom wasn’t around anymore but he didn’t get why, or where she went. I didn’t want my sadness to mess up the joy of Christmas for him and so I decided to put up our decorations. I even made a special tree and dedicated it to my mom.
A few months before she passed my mom had purchased, what I like to refer to as “lazy lights”. They’re those Star Shower LED, Xmas light projectors, that make your house look like the grizwold house with about 1/100th of the effort! She ordered one and when I saw it our her house I told her I wanted to get one too, and so a few weeks later she ordered one for me as well. I had remembered seeing the boxes neatly stacked in the corner of her room the day after she passed when I was cleaning off all the papers and junk mail that my brother and Satan had carelessly piled on her dresser, in an effort to help (???) clean.
Going back to before all this crap happened with the will, going back to thanksgiving I took a ride to her house that night to clean out the rest of the left over food from her fridge and I figured I would get the lights while I was there. I went into her room and grabbed the boxes out of the corner of her room. Before I could grab the boxes, I had to move some stuff out of the way. One of the things I had to move was a small plastic food container that my mom used to store pill boxes and over stock of her medication. I had placed that box on top of the Star Shower boxes, the day before her wake, as I was cleaning it off her dresser. When I went to move the container, I noticed there was a little, round white pill sitting on the lid. I thought nothing of it. I opened up the container and noticed that she had only one pill bottle in there and the rest were empty pill cases. I opened the bottle and looked inside it to see that it was at least halfway filled with pills that were identical to the one I found, and so I dropped the loose pill in there and closed the bottle. I looked at the label and realized it was the hydrocodone (either Vicodin or Percocet) that I had picked up for her just a week prior to her going into the hospital. I had figured my mom left it there the day I brought her to the emergency room. It made me sad because I remembered that day. I told her to take a pain killer before we headed to the hospital because I had this feeling that it would be hours and hours, before we saw a doctor. I told her to take a few extra with us just in case it wore off as we were waiting. My mom was In pretty bad shape that day and so I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if my mom left one out like that. All I knew is that I was glad I found it before my son did.
That night I also saw my mom’s neighbor and we ended up talking and so I went back a day or so later to clean out the rest of the food from the other fridge. I had heard from the neighbor that my brother had also been at the house earlier that same day. I cleaned the rest of the catering trays up and before I left I decided to use the bathroom. As I was sitting there on the toilet (TMI I know) I glanced over at my mom’s bathroom counter. I loved my mom’s bathroom. She had just had it completely renovated and updated a few years ago. She did such a good job picking out all the tiles and fixtures and every time I was in there I would just admire all of it. I remember she was so stressed during that project. It was probably the biggest project she had done in the house after my dad had passed. Our old bathroom was a 1980’s wood paneled nightmare, with there ugly mauve colored, ceramic tiles. I mean the entire room was paneled, even the ceiling! Anyway, one of my favorite features of the renovated bathroom was the sink and counter top. It was white marble with grayish swirls in it. As I sat there and skimmed it over, I noticed this tiny blue, rock like thing sitting on the counter. I picked it up and inspected it and noticed that it was a small piece of a pill. It looked at if the pill had been broken in half once and then broken in half again. The part I found was only half or a half but there was part of number inscribed on it and it read 15. I picked up my phone and googled “Small round blue pill with……” and as I started typing, google automatically filled the the rest of the info which was “small round blue pill with R 215”. I click on the images and see tons of photos of pills that are identical to the one had just found. The letters, shade of blue and everything matched the pill exactly. It turns out it was a Roxicodone. Apparently Roxicodone is a very powerful pain killer, much more powerful than the one I had found of my mom’s a few days prior. I had to wonder who’s it was and I could only come to one conclusion, maybe two, My brother and Satan.
I text the photo of it to my mom’s youngest sister, Dana who was the only sister of hers that I was able to talk to on a real level, and asked her if she thinks it could’ve been left by anyone who came to the house between my mom’s viewings. Any of the people either of us would’ve suspected of using that shit, was not at the house either of the days and so that further drove home the idea that it was either Satan’s or my brother’s. After the last day of my mom’s wake Dana, her husband, my uncle Tony, my cousin Nikki and her husband all came back to my mom’s house after the wake and helped me clean up. We hung out an bullshitted for a little bit too and I filed my Aunt Dana in on all the crazy shit that was going on during the last few months of my mom’s life. Both Aunt Dana and my cousin Nikki agree that at least one of us would’ve spotted that blue pill in the bathroom that night or at some point during that day. My aunt Dana said she most definitely would’ve seen it had it been there that night because she had picked up one of my mom’s perfume bottles, and smelled it.
The only person who could’ve left it there was my brother.
My mom’s neighbor was keeping an eye on the house for me and a few days later she had spotted my brother there one night. She told me he was alone and that she had witnessed him carrying boxes out to his car and putting them in his trunk. He had been there quite a few times in the first week or two after my mom passed and I was starting to get suspicious that he was taking things out of the house. I had been trying to catch them in the act since my mom was in the hospital but every time I got there, they’d be gone.
I headed over to my mom’s house that night and I was on the phone with my cousin Nikki. I walked around the house looking around but I didn’t notice anything missing. I know my brother had taken some stuff the first few times he was there. He took her wireless router and all of our home videos that were on VHS Tapes. This time however there was nothing missing that I noticed. As I walked around the house me and Nikki were speculating as to what he was doing there, I walked through the bathroom, and into my mom’s room and I had reminded Nikki about the painkiller I had found a few days earlier on the bathroom counter and as a joke, Nikki asked me if my mom had any painkillers in the house. Suddenly, I remembered the other pill I found when I came do pick up the Christmas lights. I told her about it and she’s like, “maybe that’s it! Maybe they took those!”. I walked over to the corner of the room where I had put the plastic container with the pills and opened it up. I was totally expecting them to still be in there, but when I opened the bottle they were ALL gone! I couldn’t fucking believe it!
Talk about divine intervention! Had my mom not ordered me one of those star showers, I never would’ve picked up that box. Had one of the pills not been on the cover, I never would’ve opened the container or looked in that pill bottle therefore I would’ve had no idea of anything was missing from it! Even finding the small piece of a pill on the counter, had I have never found it I never would’ve even thought to look in there again. I do believe in spirit guides and things of that nature and whomever my spirit guide is, they made sure I found that.
The next day I headed back to the house because I had to pay the neighbor who had watched my mom’s dogs. Thank god, she decided to adopt them both. I couldn’t take them to my house because I have a big dog who would pester them, and they are senior dogs. They don’t need my big dope messing with them. It was a big worry for me. I couldn’t see my brother taking the dogs in because Satan doesn’t like dogs (she really is the devil) and the thought of giving them to a stranger just didn’t fit right with me. I kind my mom would’ve been happy to know she took them in.
While she was there, I told her about the whole story with the pills and how I came to discover them. As I told her the story, I brought her into my mom’s room to show her where the pill box was and how someone really had to be looking for them. I also pointed out how you could clearly see that someone was sitting on my mom’s bed, near where the pills were. I looked directly down on the floor and a white object on the floor catches my eye. Sure enough I look down and it’s yet another loose pill, just sitting there! It was the same exact one as the one I found in the days prior.
I couldn’t believe it. Had my brother let this girl lead him so far down the dark path that he now is addicted to pills? I have long thought she was on something. Through the few years they were together, she has made a few mentions of pills. She had mentioned it once to me when they first started dating and also to a few family members. She also had made a few comments when my mom was in the hospital about her having bottles and bottles of pain killers at home. Then there was that day when she left the hospital to go to the doctors office for an upper respiratory infection and she came back and showed everyone that her doctor had prescribed her Percocet. I have NEVER heard of a doctor prescribing narcotic pain medication for an upper respiratory infection and apparently, neither had anyone in the room that day! She played it off that day as if the doctor just wrote them down without her even knowing. There’s no way. She had to have gone there and either asked for them or faked some type of pain or injury. Either way, if she is addicted to pills I wouldn’t be very surprised. It would explain a lot of the erratic behavior.
(to be continued in my next post)