(Please see my previous posts so the story makes more sense)
We are finally catching up to more current times. This part of the story is going to be very hard for me to talk about but I think it’s important to tell it. The ultimate goal here is to help not only myself, but other people who may be going through the same thing or something similar. If you have been reading my story so far, thank you. I need to get this all out. Please feel free to comment and ask questions. I am more than happy to help.
My mom was released from the hospital after about a week or so being in there. She had to reschedule her surgery and it was set for February 10th, 2016. Before they could do the surgery they needed to put in a IVC filter which would prevent any other blood clots from breaking off and going into her heart or lungs again. We were all really nervous but I don’t think anyone wanted to say it. By this point in time we knew my mom had a cancerous mass on her kidney we just didn’t know what kind of cancer it was and how bad it had spread if at all. The doctor did say that a few of the surrounding lymph nodes may be infected but we would know more after the surgery when we’d get back the pathology report.
My mom really seemed completely fine up until Christmas Day. The only complaints I remember her having previous to that day was that she was tired sometimes and that she felt the discomfort under her sternum. Beyond that I don’t remember her saying much. It seemed like as soon as we found out about the mass she started to not feel well. I sometimes wonder if our minds make us more sick. It seems once we find out these things we start to realize our pain more. I don’t know.
It was a few days before her surgery. She had the IVC filter put in about two weeks prior to the surgery. I was on FaceTime talking to her and she was laying it bed. It was early, around 8:30-9:00pm. She was complaining about a pain in her back and it seemed she couldn’t get comfortable. I was really concerned about her. I had heard some scary stories about IVC filters. In fact these lawyers even had a commercial looking for people who suffered complications from these filters such as them poking through your arteries and/Or puncturing other organs like your lungs. I began fearing that my mom was experiencing this pain because of that. I told her that I thought it would be a good idea to take her to the emergency room. She didn’t want to go because she didn’t want her surgery being postponed again. Last time I took her to a local hospital which was about 4 miles away from my home but this time I told her I’d bring her to the hospital that she was having the surgery done in, which was about 30 miles away. She told me she didn’t want to go and that she couldn’t even talk anymore. She just wanted to lie down and try to get to sleep and so we ended our FaceTime call.
I took a screen shot of her lying in her bed and sent it to my aunt Debbie. At the time my aunt Debbie was the only other person who seemed to be as concerned as I was. She took my mom to a few of her doctors appointments early on. I don’t know why but that night I decided to reach out to my brother and let him know what was going on so I sent him a text. I told him that I was worried about our mom and that she was in really bad pain. Instead of replying to me, he decides to call my mother. A few minutes after hanging up with my mom I see she’s calling me back. I answered it in hopes that we she changed her mind and wanted to go to the ER. That wasn’t what she wanted. Instead, she was screaming at me for calling my brother and she told me that if I called any doctors or somehow fucked up her surgery, that’s she would kill me! I thought her reaction was a little over the top but I got it. She was going through a lot both mentally and physically. I think it’s understandable. I know if she was in her rational state of mind she would’ve have cared. I apologized and told her I was just trying to help because I’m worried about her. She understood and told me that she again, just wanted to get some sleep.
I called my Aunt Debbie up and explained to her what happened. I was so mad at my brother, that he couldn’t just reply to my text and instead called my mom and got her upset. There was a reason I was reaching out to him, he’s my brother and we should both know what’s going on with my mom. When someone in your family is sick like this, you put all the other bullshit aside and be there for the person who’s suffering. My brother didn’t seem to share in those beliefs. My aunt Debbie was angry about it too. There was no reason to get my mom all upset when he could’ve just answered me. I was the one telling him stuff, not my mom. My aunt Debbie called him to try to talk some sense into, him but she ended up calling me up a few minutes later and she was really upset. It turns out my brother, like he always had been doing since Satan came around, started getting defensive and was screaming at my aunt. My aunt said she’s never felt so disrespected by anyone in her own family. She was shocked by the way my brother spoke to her. She now experienced first hand what me and my mom were dealing with whenever we tried to talk to him. She was appalled at his behavior and so from that point on we decided it was best if we don’t volunteer information to him.
My mom’s surgery was scheduled for around 5:30-6:00am, two days later. My husband took off work to watch my son and I slept over her house so we could wake up and go. The pain in her back had subsided and so we hung out and watched tv. My mom went to bed early but I couldn’t really sleep. By time I finally closed my eyes it was time to wake up and get ready. I believe I may have gotten just about two hours in. We arrived at the hospital around 5am. My aunts Bea and Debbie met is around 5:30. It felt like the longest day of my life. The surgery ended up taking much longer than they expected because they had to make a bigger incision in order to get the mass out. They cut my mom 8 or so inches down from her belly button almost to the top of her pubic bone. robotic arms did all the work and so in total, she had three incisions. Two small ones for the robotic arms and one large one to get the kidney out of.
Layer on in the day my mom’s youngest sister and her husband came down to be there for support. I did not here a peep from my brother all day. Finally around 4:00 the doctor called us in and told is my mom was in the recovery room. We all went in to see her. She was really out of it from all the anesthesia. My aunts and uncle hung around for a few minutes more and they all went home. I wanted to leave too but I just couldn’t leave her all alone. I finally get a text from my brother. Instead of asking how my mom is, he asked if she had gotten admitted into a room because him and Satan wanted to send some flowers. Smoke was coming out of my ears. Flowers were so unimportant. How about coming to the hospital so I can go home and relax after a really long day? How about showing your face so your mother can think you give a shit about her? That was all Satan. Any chance e to butter someone up, she will take it. My brother informed me that he would be coming but it wouldn’t be until much later. I stayed with my mom until they got her up in a room. My brother asked me for the room number when he got there. I gave it to him and got my stuff and left.
I believe my mom was in the hospital for around ten days. After the surgery they had to get her back on the blood thinners and it takes some times for the levels to balance out in your body. Of those ten days my brother came twice to see her, both for less than an hour a piece. I went there every night except for two. My husband would get home from work and I’d leave and make the 40 minute drive from my house and I’d stay with her until she went to sleep at night.
She had a pretty serious surgery and when the doctors said they were ready to discharge her, I was worried. Throughout the surgery and all I had made a group text message and included in all my family. In that message I voiced my concern about my mom being discharged in that message. I didn’t go up to the hospital the second to last night but my Aunt Debbie and her daughter did. My aunt Debbie argued with me that the doctors wouldn’t release her if they didn’t think she was ready. She insisted that my mom was doing great on the second to last night. I was there the night prior and from what I can see, she didn’t seem to be in any type of condition to be released. I wondered how she would make herself food, eat, shower, do laundry, or even get into and out of bed. I remembered having trouble after having my c-section but I had my husband here to help me. My mom was completely alone. Of course I planned on helping her as much as I possibly could but I had to also be realistic and I couldn’t be there all of the time. I voiced this in the message to my family and told them I wanted to speak to the social worker about possibly getting an nurse or something to help her. I had a feeling my on had lied to the doctors and told them she had round the clock help at home. She just wanted to get out of hospital and so she said whatever she could to make that happen. My aunt Debbie continued to antagonize me about it and I’m or even sure why.
I didn’t notice this until much later when my mom’s cousin pointed it out but when I was voicing my concerns she said she was appalled at the replies I got from my mom’s two closest sisters. Instead of offering to help me, they suggested I go pick up easy to make meals and pick up things like cold cuts. She said, “here it is your mom comes from this big, close-knot Italian family with a bunch of women who cook really well and they tell you to get cold cuts?”, she pointed out that they could’ve offered to cook something or bring by some leftovers. My family purports this image of closeness and always being there for one another but the truth is, they aren’t really there and in the next few months I’d learn what a facade that image was…..
To be continued in my next post.
(Please see my previous posts so the story makes more sense)