There are certain things in life that cut so deep that even though the wounds heal, the piece of you never looks the same again. My mom was beside herself that I wasn’t invited to the bridal shower. She knew once it happened it was going to be another cut that wouldn’t fully heal. She didn’t want to go for herself but I told her she must. That she cannot let Satan win. My family went too. It was an awkward event from what I understood.
The wedding was creeping up on us and as it stood I was not invited. My mom was so upset over it and so I started to devise a plan. I wanted to show my brother that nothing was going to come in the way of my love for him, not even the devil herself. My plan was to sneak into the venue right before the ceremony started and sit in the back and leave before the bride and groom came back down the aisle. I even went as far as to go down to the venue myself to check it out and see where the ceremony was held so I can find a way in and out without being seen, but in the days prior to the wedding, my mom had gotten into it with my brother and I decided that it was best I don’t go at all.
February 14th rolled around. We had a really bad storm the day prior. I had accepted the fact that I wasn’t going to be at my brothers wedding and I was perfectly ok with it. The truth was, I wanted no part of that shit show. I did NOT support my brother marrying this succubus. I thought he was making the biggest mistake of his life. The day prior to the wedding I had asked my mom how she was getting to the wedding. It ended up they didn’t even bother to provide transportation for her that day. Satan’s mom got a limo…..my mom was on her own. Naturally I was unhappy about this. I did not want my mom driving in the ice and snow, all alone, late at night. I knew she was going to need a few drinks to make it through the dreaded wedding too. I asked if any of our family members could give her a lift but she told me she had to be there earlier than everyone else to take photos. I then offered to drive her there and told her to see if someone could bring her home. I made sure she called my brother to warn him that I’d be driving her there. He said it was fine, he just didn’t want any trouble, as if I would ever cause any trouble.
I went to her house early that day and did her makeup. She cried the whole way through. They weren’t tears of joy, I can tell you that. My mom did not want to be part of this wedding but she was so worried about being judged by her family she forced herself to go. I told her to suck it up and just try to have a good time. Me not being there wasn’t going to make or break the wedding. Everyone would have a good time regardless. She looked beautiful in her navy blue gown and shimmery shawl. I had my son with me and I loaded him and her stuff into the car and we took off.
We pulled up to the venue. It was on a golf course that was blanketed with a fresh covering of undisturbed snow. The parking lot was empty save for a few employee cars. As we got closer to the building, we see two men standing outside in black suits. We soon realized it was my brother and his replacement best man, his friend Shane*. I found Shane to be almost an even more bizarre choice than my husband for best man. My brother and Shane met through mutual friends of his and his ex-fiancé. They weren’t long time, childhood besties or nothing. They’d only known one another for a few short years and my brother and him only started getting closer with him when he broke up with his ex-fiancé and had no other single bachelor friends to go out with. I wondered to myself why they’d be standing outside on this freezing cold, icy day. Neither of them smoke. I later found out they were standing guard in case I tried any funny business. To this day I cannot believe my brother would ever think I’d embarrass myself and my family by doing something to disrupt his wedding.
My mom got out of the car and grabbed her belongings. She was slipping and sliding all over the place. She turned back to say goodbye to me. My brother didn’t even look at me. Instead as soon as my mom started walking in he turned around and disappeared. He didn’t even escort her into the building. He left her high and dry to walk in all by herself carrying a bunch of shit. I was so ashamed of him. That isn’t the way my dad raised him. Our dad while he had his issues was always a perfect gentlemen. The kind of guy who opened car doors and carried your bags. I cannot believe my brother watched her struggle in high heels walking across the ice, carrying bags and just walked away from her.
I watched her until she got up the steps and Into the building I drove off. That was it. This couldn’t be undone. My brother made his choice and it was one he was going to have to live with. I am not going to lie, it did hurt to know my entire extended family was there supporting this sham of a wedding and acting like it was totally ok that the sister of the groom wasn’t invited. I almost felt like Ebenezer Scrooge in a Christmas carol, watching my family enjoy life without me there. It was a shitty feeling but it was what it was.
I went home that day and did nothing. My husband and I aren’t big on Valentine’s Day and we preferred to spend a quiet night at home. It wasn’t long before the texts started rolling in, “your mom is sitting at the table, crying.”, “your mom looks so miserable.”, “your mom is so upset that you aren’t here.” And of course the texts from my mom came in too. “I’m so fucking miserable.”. “I wish I could leave.”, “I don’t want to be here.”, “I cannot believe everyone is ok with this, my family sucks.”.
You have to understand here. My mom is 100% Italian American. She was raised with the ideology that family is everything. Family comes above all. My dad passed ten years ago and it was a devastating blow to her. She lost the most important person in her world. All her dreams of retiring and traveling the world, playing with her grandchildren, relaxing with him, those dreams died with him. Her family is all she has. She is one of six children and she was very close with her siblings but since our family was growing so large it was hard to get together for the big holidays like Christmas and stuff. In those years following my dad’s death we started to build a new family. We became extremely close with my brothers ex-fiancé’s family. That was who went spent holidays and birthdays with for six years and then one day, that was ripped out from under her feet. All she had was me and my brother. That was her joy. She tried everything she could to stop my brother from destroying our relationship but he had made his choice. The damage was done.
My mom was miserable in the weeks following the wedding. I heard from many family members as they recounted my mom’s behavior that night. They said she sat at the table crying most of the night. My mom didn’t even hear from my brother after the wedding. He didn’t call to say thank you or to even see if she got home ok. They went on their honeymoon and it wasn’t until about three weeks after the wedding that my mom finally heard from him. She told him she was upset that he left her to walk into the venue by herself and he told her she was selfish for having me drive her to the wedding. My brother had her on speaker phone and Satan joined in and a fight ensued. That was the day she told Satan that she ruined our family.
Things only got worse after the wedding. My brother and I were officially estranged and things would continue on this way for the next two years…..
(To be continued in the next post)