(Please see my previous posts so the story makes sense).
I had showed my brother the dress I got to wear for his wedding. He showed about as much interest in it as I show when he tells me about his comic book characters. Before I go on, I have to put this all into perspective. My brother and Satan had hardly known one another for six entire months before they got engaged. I had only met Satan a handful of times. I could probably count my encounters with her one two hands. Most of those times we were at parties or other social functions and didn’t have one-on-one time with her. The few times we had one-on-one time it was her talking at me (not to me) and me just sitting there stunned that someone can talk this much but have nothing substantial to say. On top of that, this was her THIRD wedding. It was by all intents and purposes, a small wedding. The actual wedding ceremony was taking place at the same place as their reception. The guest list consisted of mainly MY family because Satan isn’t in contact with most of her family and all she has is a few “friends” and co-workers. It was a Valentine’s Day wedding (barf) because of course, what narcissist wouldn’t want to be the object of everyone’s affection on a national holiday!? I wasn’t asked to be in their bridal party and so I went out and purchased a dress as if I were just another guest at their wedding. I had just lost all my baby weight and finally felt comfortable in my skin again and wanted to wear something that flattered my body. I had every right to pick my own dress out.
My brother left my house that day and I had called my mom to tell her all the shy he talked about her. He was complaining to me that my mom didn’t offer any money to help fund their wedding! I tried to explain to him that when I was still planning a wedding (my husband and I sort of eloped at town hall because I got pregnant while we were planning our wedding and needed his health insurance) my mom also didn’t offer any money to pay for my wedding either. I explained that “traditionally” the bride’s parents usually pay (if they can) and the grooms parents don’t contribute that much but that didn’t stop him from thinking my mom should kick in at least a couple thousand because Satan’s mom was giving them $20k or so. As you can imagine, my mom was pissed. He had already told her he thought she should be paying and now he was complaining about it to me.
As we are talking I receive a text from him. I tell my mom to hold on so I could read it. It says, “I like that dress……but how long is it?”. Here we go again, “my brother” is all concerned about my fashion. I was STUNNED. My mom told me to write back, “I don’t know, I didn’t measure it!”. I mean it’s just ridiculous. Now it all made sense to me. Typically my brother doesn’t just show up at my house for no reason. He always has a purpose, whether it’s to ask me something or to tell me something. He never just shows up for no reason and that day, he came to see the dress. Luckily I pulled it out before he had to ask but if I didn’t pull it out that day, he eventually would’ve asked. I know it. Satan sent him here to scope it out.
After my sarcastic reply he comes back and tells me, “I don’t know, I think it’s inappropriate…” he went on to lecture me about appropriate wedding attire for women and tell me how usually women wear dresses that are knee length. I was SHOCKED! I didn’t know when my brother became an expert in women’s wedding attire but I was seriously annoyed. I sent him a picture of me in my dress and showed him that it sat an inch above my knees. He then proceeded to tell me that it looked like lingerie and that it was inappropriate and he asked me to get a new dress. I politely tried to back him off. I told him that the dress had passed the 21 day return policy mark and that I had already spent $200 and couldn’t afford to spend more….. He kept pushing telling me he’d prefer if I wore a different dress to his wedding because I was going to be in their wedding album, insinuating that I was going to somehow ruin their photos with my “inappropriate dress”.
After the comment about the photos I lost my shit! I will take responsibility here, I have a sharp tongue. When I get angry, hurt or offended, I sort of get verbal diarrhea! At this point in time I just had enough with his “soon-to-be wife” (that was Satan referred to herself as during their short engagement period. After they got engaged and told my mom, she showed me a photo of the engagement ring in which I had never seen. Just trying to be nice, I complimented the ring and asked him where he got it. He didn’t answer me that day. The next day he wrote back and thanked me and I asked one more time where he got it….that was it. He called my mom up and told her to tell me to stop asking questions about the ring! My mom calls me and she’s all pissy with me asking why I am prying into my brother’s personal business and why I keep asking about the ring. Apparently, it was “upsetting his soon-to-be wife”. I sent her screen shots of the two times I asked where he got it. He told me it was custom made, a tiffany’s replica and so I just wanted to know where you can get that done. That’s all! He told my mom I was trying to find out how much he paid for it. I never asked any such questions. Between that, him telling my mom she should be paying for their wedding and now my dress, we were both starting to see the writing on the wall. My brother was marrying bridezilla!
I went off on my brother and told him straight up that I knew it wasn’t HIM that was really concerned about my dress and that if his wife wanted to control my attire she should’ve put me in her bridal party. I also told him that he sounded like a puppet and I was really upset. As he came back, still harping about me getting a new dress, I told him his wife was looking really insecure and that if she had a problem she should be the one to come to my house or call me about it instead of using him as her megaphone. I now know this is a common tactic used by narcissists and sociopaths alike, know as “triangulation”. They will pin two people against one another by way of an object or third person, therefore creating a triangle of misery!
I got the hint Satan didn’t care much for me, long before their engagement, but she never really had a good opportunity to really offend me. There were a few small things that happened along the way that let me know, I was nearing the top of her shit list. For instance, she had made a comment once in front of my husband when we were over there helping my brother move his bed in so Satan’s daughter could sleep on it. I waited out in the car because my infant son was sleeping. She tells my brother, “oh, I have to invite your mom and your sister to my jewelry party”. She goes to hand my husband my invitation and then she says, “on second thought, she probably won’t want to come.” She never handed him or me the invitation. In fact she ended up inviting my mom but not me. We laugh about this but she we think it all started because of a pair of shoes I wore to a BBQ at her house. It was our first time attending a get together at her house, shortly after my brother moved in. I wore a flowy sundress and a pair of wedge heels. She walked us up the steps to her back balcony to the second floor of her house and she sees my shoes and asks me, “why are you wearing heels?”. My husband answered and says, “my wife always wears heels!”. She then went on to tell me that I shouldn’t be wearing them, that I was going to fall and hurt myself. She was insisting I borrow a pair of her flip flops. I politely declined by telling her my feet were a 91/2 and her flip flops probably wouldn’t fit me. It was so weird. I couldn’t figure out why she was so bothered by my footwear.
Anyway, after her other failed attempts to piss me off, she used the dress as means to rid me from my brother’s life. I remember seeing this quote in a video on YouTube, “Narcissists hate those they cannot control”. My true belief about her is that she’s a malignant narcissist, meaning she’s a narcissist with sociopathic/psychopathic traits. MN’s, sociopaths and psychopaths have a very good read on other people. I think she realized from the second time I met her, that I could see right through her, that I was the person who would be able to expose her and somehow convince my brother that she was no good. The sooner she got rid of me the better and so she used the dress to get me and my brother in a fight.
I told my brother that I didn’t have to be in his photos or even come to his wedding for that matter. Maybe it was a bit harsh but I wasn’t about to have to walk on eggshells with yet another one of his girlfriends. I did it for six years with his ex who at times could be a little overly sensitive, and I wasn’t about to do it for some girl that I hardly knew.
Things got real ugly after these texts about my dress. This is when I became sincerely concerned about my brother and realized that he was really scared of his “soon-to-be wife”. I had seen little hints here and there. For instance, my brother started smoking cigarettes again after he broke up with his ex. About a month into their relationship, Satan quit smoking and expected him to quit as well. He didn’t and so every time he’d see me he’d be bumming cigarettes off me, and ducking out in the corners where she couldn’t see him. There was this one specific time I got in the car with him and he had just smoked a cigarette and was about to drop me off and head to her house. He puts his cigarette out and gets in the car. Before he starts driving, he opens his center console and starts pulling out all these things to cover up the cigarette smell. He pops a piece of gum in and bathed himself in antibacterial lotion, even rubbing some on his face. Then he pulls out some Axe body spray and is dousing himself in it. I looked at him and said, “what the hell are you doing?”. He told me he was covering up the cigarette smell so she didn’t smell it. I jokingly said, “well isn’t she going to think it’s weird that your face smells like antibacterial lotion?” We both laughed but then I seriously asked him, “what’s the big deal if you smoke?”. He answered me, “you don’t understand, she will KILL ME if she knew I was smoking.”. While there’s no question that smoking is a horrible, nasty, disgusting, disease causing habit, what’s the big deal? I didn’t understand why he couldn’t just tell her he messed up or was having trouble quitting and I expressed that him and all he said was, “you don’t understand, she will KILL ME.” That troubled me for many reasons. One being that they had just started dating. I found it a bit strange that someone would have that much control over someone that early on in the relationship. I also found it scary that my brother was afraid to expose a weakness in front of her. I got the sense that he had probably already done so and it didn’t go so well. Looking back now that was when it all started.
To be continued in my next post.
(Please see my previous posts so the story makes sense).