From this point out in this blog I will refer to the narcissist as Satan. It’s a fitting name for a creature like her.
My brother had been single for almost a year. He had dated around but one day decided he wasn’t fully over his ex-fiancé of 6 years and he wanted to work on himself before getting into a serious relationship again. It was exactly three weeks later when he called me up on a Sunday morning and told me he met this really hot girl at a St. Patrick’s day celebration in a town that was almost two hours away from where we lived. He didn’t get the girls number that night and he was kicking himself for it the next day.
A week later I got another phone call and he told me I wouldn’t even believe it. The hot girl from St. Patrick’s day, showed up at his local weekend hangout spot. At the time I thought nothing of this innocent coincidence. This time he told me he got her number and he wanted to take her out on a date. Their first date turned into him staying the night with her and from that point on they were hanging out almost daily.Right off the bat he spoke so highly of this girl. She was intelligent, motivated and very successful. She seemed to have her head on straight and she was basically the polar opposite of his ex, who was one of those people who went to college for way longer than they had to and was constantly on a search to find their true calling.
At the time my brother was working a full time job and taking college courses to finish up his degree. He had dropped out of college almost a decade prior and decided in his early 30’s to switch his major and get his degree. During the love bombing phase of this new relationship he was up all hours of the night with her. He started doing all his studying and homework at her house and then they’d be up all night doing things I probably don’t want to even think about!
There were things in the beginning that really didn’t sit right with me. Before I go on I should preface this with a little personal story. In my late teens/early 20’s I was in an emotionally, (and on two occaisions, physically abusive) relationship. My exboyfriend was extremely jealous and very controlling. It was the first serious relationship I had ever really been in, and so I had nothing to compare it to. I was young and naive. When I finally realized what was going on, (via my best friend sharing her concerns about my boyfriend’s crazy behavior with my mom) I broke up with him. After we had broken up I will never forget reading this article in Cosmopolitian magazine. It was about emotionally abusive relationships. In the article they discussed some of the warning signs. One being that relationships with abusive people usually move at a very fast pace and are very intense right from the get go. That one red flag stood out to me because it was a warning sign I don’t think most people would pick up on. There’s a reason people say that you can be “blinded by love”. I swear the person who coined that phrase was most likely in a relationship with an abusive, manipulative, cluster B*, personality disordered person. When someone is showering you with so much praise and attention, right off the gate, it’s hard to see past that, but it’s an important sign to proceed with caution.
Anyway, once I was made aware of the red flags, they were signs that I tried to pay attention to, not only in my own relationships but in the relationships of the people around me. I noticed my brothers relationship was moving extremely fast. After only two weeks of dating, my brother brought up in conversation one day that he knew I was going to think it was crazy, but he and Satan had already started discussing him possibly moving in, in the future. That concerned me very much, but I tried to give their relationship the benefit of the doubt.
I slowly but surely started hearing other things that concerned me. Once being that his new love seemed to be collecting Intel on him from various, “secret” sources. She had told him that a good friend of his went to her gym and that the friend was giving her the scoop on my brother’s personal life. My brother himself even thought this one was strange. I remember being on the phone it’s him racking our brains out as to who this secret friend could be. She would not reveal the name.
The other concern of mine was the fact that she had a daughter from a previous marriage. At first she had told my brother it would be months and months before he would meet her daughter because she didn’t want her daughter getting attached to yet another guy who wasn’t going to be in it for the long haul. She wanted to make sure he was serious before she did anything. She gained a point in my book when he told me that. I thought it was good that she was putting her daughter’s wellbeing before her own and that was admirable, but then it was exactly three days after she gave him that whole big speech that she introduced the two of them. Somehow in those three days she was able to deduce that he was a good guy who was in it for the long haul?
My first meeting with her was about a month after they met and it was unremarkable. She was very quiet. She didn’t talk much at all. At one point, my brother, her and I all walked outside to smoke (gross I know) and she started to talk a little more. The thing is though, she didn’t say a word to me. Her entire conversation was directed at my brother. I chalked it up to nerves. When we left dinner that night I didn’t feel any way about her. I didn’t like her, nor did I dislike her.
It was at our second meeting a week or so later where I got a better look into who she was. This time she and my brother came to my home. Our mom wasn’t there as she was the first time and so it gave her an opportunity to loosen up a bit more and that she did. She walked into my house like she owned the place. I’m not saying my house is that interesting but she made no comments on the unusual things around the room that most people point out upon entering our home for the first time. She kind of just sat down and started talking away. That night she wouldn’t shut up. I felt like I was sitting in on a college lecture. She talked at us, not with us. The entire night she discussed mainly her material possessions and lifestyle. She said nothing of substance. Nothing like the usual stuff you would talk about when you’re trying to get to know another human being, like where you’re from, your family, your heritage or anything of that nature. The night was like an extremely long, late night infomercial and she was the product.
When they finally left that night my husband closed the door behind them and then turned to me and said., “you don’t like her, do you”. I answered with a firm no and he agreed, he wasn’t very impressed either.
At the same time, as much as I didn’t like her I tried to keep my opinion to myself and just be a supportive sister to my brother. It was now the third month of their relationship when my brother showed up at my house. Again he prefaced his news by telling me that I’m going to think he’s crazy and that he was going to break the lease on his apartment (that he just completely refurnished after his ex left) and move into her house. I would be completely lying if I said this didnt trouble me deeply. Putting my own personal opinion of her aside, I just felt it was far too soon to move in with anyone. God, if I only knew what was to come next, I never wouldn’t bit my tongue……
The story will be continued in my next post.